Today I spoke to my “distance sponsor” from NA for the first time. He encouraged me to go to a local meeting tonight and I did manage to get into town and walk to the place, but I couldn’t go in. I saw other people walking in but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same.
So I have a choice, I view it as a failure, or I view it as a success because I managed to get as far as I did. I’ve always struggled with meeting new people, walking into places I don’t know, anxiety has always caused me problems like that. So I guess walking into a room full of drug addicts and having to say I’m an addict too, well maybe that was a bigger step than I imagined.
So success or failure?, somewhere in the middle I think. I’m not going to give up though, I need to do some more reading, and maybe see if I can contact the local NA people and see if there is some way to make it a little easier for me. Maybe if I’ve already had contact with someone who will be there it might help me.
I don’t know where my sponsor lives, I don’t think it’s nearby, but I will speak to him tomorrow and see what he says.
I know I need to do something, I can’t allow myself to go back to the drugs, I have way too much to lose. I’m glad that at last I’m beginning to believe that.