My first time

I was invited to a chem sex party, four guys. I’d watched guys slam in videos online, was intrigued, had seen guys do it in person but had never been tempted, not until that night.

I was tempted too much, and I took up the offer. As I think about it, I remember laying my arm out on the counter in his kitchen. I barely felt it as he slid the needle into my arm, I didn’t even feel that much as he pushed the meth into my vein. There was no huge rush, just a nice warm feeling, I became very aware of my nakedness and that of the others there. We had sex for hours, all night and half the following day.

As I think about it now, I can feel the yearning to have that feeling again. But as I think about it now, I can remember how that night changed me forever. I can picture in my mind how the sex seemed to have no end, the feeling of connection was so intense, I can feel my body wanting that again. I close my eyes and the meth screams out to me.

I close my eyes and remember that never again, never again shall I stick a needle in my arm.

I met the guy twice more and that was it for a while. He didn’t handle his drugs well and became aggressive the last time I met him. Of course that should have told me something, but a while later meth came back into my life, this time it had teeth that sank into my flesh and into my mind, this time meth would do it’s best to finish me off.

That’s a story for another day, I don’t want to think about that day, the day I walked into his house and there were two syringes sat next to his bed. I can’t write about how he, mcat and meth all took over my life. I shall write about that another day, but right now zopiclone is calling me to sleep.

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