Just read a post on twitter that used the term “head zaps”, I’ve never heard it before, but I’ve felt them.
It was withdrawal from meth, whenever I didn’t use, I’d get jolts in my head, like electric shocks. Sometimes I’d get them as I was falling asleep, those scared the hell out of me and I’d be snapped awake in a second and be so confused.
When I stopped completely last year, the zaps carried on for weeks, I just couldn’t get rid of them. It was withdrawal from the drug, withdrawal from my habit, from my addiction.
As more time passes I recognise and accept the fact that I had a problem, and I accept I can no longer use drugs to block out my reality. It doesn’t matter how much you use, how many lines you snort, pills you pop, or needles you stick in your arm, reality is always still there. The head zaps were a reminder that the meth could help, thankfully I had the strength to ignore that message, for five months now I’ve ignored the craving, managed to control it.
I know I can never go there again, not even once, because once is never enough.
The head zaps may have stopped, but I think the occasional craving will always pop up, hopefully I’ll never give in again.