Yesterday Boris Johnson addressed the nation and despite saying we have to pass the five tests before easing the lockdown, he did just that. Indeed today he is standing in parliament saying how people can drive as far as they like for exercise, they can go out for exercise as many times a day as they like, and so the list goes on.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a political post in any way, but yes I think any easing is a mistake at this stage, I think we risk the virus surging back again. I leave the house twice a week, once to do shopping and deliver it to my shielding parents, and once with my husband to do our own food shopping. We have done this now for a number of weeks and every week the number of people out and about has increased, it’s been very noticeable and I fear the message is now so mixed that the situation will only worsen.
Anyway, that’s not what I want to write about, I want to write about how I’m feeling. Whether the lockdown is lifted now, or next week, or next month, I still have no job, no financial security, I really don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
I’m waffling, let me waffle a little more if I may. Let’s go back to when I had pneumonia, I’ve written about it before, two stays in hospital, really ill, was not a good time for me, a thoroughly horrible time. So why did I long to be back in that hospital bed ?, why do I now long for the lockdown to be extended ? I think I can answer that question, I felt safe, protected, nobody could touch me when I was there. Being home is the same, it’s my space, it’s our space, I don’t want to go out into the world, I feel safe here.
Just like my depression wraps around me, so does my home, it shuts the world out, and I like that.