Can’t sleep

I can’t sleep, normally a cocktail of antidepressants and sleeping tablets knock me out by 9pm at the latest but it’s getting late and I’m wide awake. Now that may seem like an awfully early time to be asleep, but as somebody once told me “sleep is like death, but without the responsibility”.

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Probably time…..

Is it really March that I last posted here? That’s not good, I really wanted to build this site into something that could help others. So today’s post is just to dip my toe back into the blog, if I get time to write in more depth tomorrow then I shall.

I’ve been contacted by an organisation asking me to add their “Alcohol Demotivator” to my “Usefull Contacts” page. If you are affected by alcohol, to any degree, then maybe give it a go ?, you’ve got nothing to lose. Maybe I should ask them to promote my site, I am now promoting theirs, so why not ?

Anyway, enough for now………

Saturday blues ?

So I’m back at The Edge Cafe, sat waiting for my mocha and ham and cheese toastie. Nothing much to say really, not quite sure how I’m feeling. I woke up really positive then my mood crashed down real quick, now I’m just sort of not feeling much of anything. Continue reading “Saturday blues ?”

The Edge Cafe

In Cambridge is The Edge Cafe, I’ve been here many times for the support group I attend on Thursday nights. Today I’ve come here on my own for a coffee and a bacon roll, that may not sound like a big thing, but for me it is. I’ve never liked going to places on my own, but these days it really has become a bit of a mountain to climb.

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The weekend

I spend the whole week waiting for the weekend to come, every morning I wake up and tell myself to just get through the day. I get home and tick off another day that I managed to deal with. But then the weekend arrives and I’m faced with the prospect of it.

Weekends have, for a long time, been difficult for me. Too much time to think, too much time to waste. Friday nights I think about what I’m going to do over the next two days, invariably I achieve little of what I plan. Big ideas turn to disappointment and failure.

I normally end up not wanting to leave the house, I get up early and I sit and paint, I don’t even get dressed. That may not sound like a bad thing, painting helps my mind, I enjoy it, in fact I love it. It may only be paint by numbers, but it’s something creative and I get a huge sense of achievement when I finish one – they usually take over a month to finish.

There’s a flip side to that creativity, it’s a lack of motivation, it’s a fear of going outside, it’s also a huge sense of paranoia of being at home. For some reason I have a fear of telephone calls and also of anybody coming to the door, so although I lock myself away at home, I always have this horrible feeling of unease.

So as I lay in bed watching tv, waiting for the Zopiclone to knock me out, I wonder what the weekend will bring. As always I have plans, I want to clean my car to start with, I want to do something with people, I want to reach out to friends, to anyone, I’d love to go for coffee, but I know I won’t, my social skills are nonexistent these days.

Hey ho, enough for now, gonna settle down. Nite nite world, be kind to each other and try and smile just a little.