Author: justscrewedupme

I’m 20 miles from your house, 20 miles from where you now live, and not very many more from where you lived when you first stuck a needle in my arm. I’ve not been any where near you for the past five months, not since you cut me off with a swipe of a finger on your phone. Continue reading “20 miles”

Just read a post on twitter that used the term “head zaps”, I’ve never heard it before, but I’ve felt them.

It was withdrawal from meth, whenever I didn’t use, I’d get jolts in my head, like electric shocks. Sometimes I’d get them as I was falling asleep, those scared the hell out of me and I’d be snapped awake in a second and be so confused. Continue reading “Head zaps”

To continue the sorry story…….

So we’d met, we’d slammed, and we had what felt like the most amazing sex. Unfortunately it didn’t stop there, it should have, but it didn’t. Continue reading “More…….”

I made a post on twitter yesterday about how long it’s been since I touched any drugs, just over four months. The reaction I’ve had has been amazing, so many likes and wonderful comments. My drug use isn’t something I talk about to anyone, so being open about it on here and on Twitter was a big step, but one I’m glad I took. Continue reading “Overwhelmed”

I walked into his house and within minutes we were in the bedroom, two syringes sat there waiting. I wish now I’d turned away and gone home, they were the first of so many with him and I regret every single one. Continue reading “Two syringes”

I was invited to a chem sex party, four guys. I’d watched guys slam in videos online, was intrigued, had seen guys do it in person but had never been tempted, not until that night. Continue reading “My first time”

I’m not doing so well, I’ve been great all weekend. Weekends are always bad for me, my brain goes into overdrive, but this time it’s been good. But now it’s not, I’ve crashed down thinking about something. Continue reading “Coping”

Well I’ve done most of them, not touched heroin or crack, I got myself in deep enough without those.

So I’ve snorted mcat, ketamine, and coke. I’ve smoked meth, and injected it too, as well as mcat. Ive drunk G as well. I’ve smoked a lot of joints years ago, as well as doing acid and stuff but this blog isn’t about that period of my life. Continue reading “Which ones?”

I want to write about “chems”, and first of all I’ll say they aren’t “chems” as they are commonly known, they are drugs, pure and simple. Calling them “chems” disconnects them from the truth of what they are, and what people are really taking. Most importantly, calling them that allows those using them to think of them as something more innocent, less harmful. Continue reading ““Chems””

This will be my new blog about my substance abuse, my journey through use and reliance on substances.

I’m not going to beat about the bush, it will be warts and all. There will be blood, sweat, semen, vomit, stuff I’m ashamed of. But if I can help just one single person to choose a path different than the one I found myself on, then it will all be worth it. If one person reads this and decides “chem sex” really isn’t as great as it’s painted to be, well then maybe my fuck up of a life will have had some meaning after all.