Author: justscrewedupme

I did it, I went to the group and I spoke so openly about my brushes with suicide. I very nearly didn’t but I felt I was in a safe place and stuff started to come out. The whole room was silent, the lady sat next to me, who I’ve really taken a liking to, held my hand. Continue reading “I spoke”

It’s Thursday which means it’s addiction recovery support group tonight. Tonight instead of saying how my week has been, I’ll be talking about something very different.

Last time I went, somebody spoke about a person taking their own life, there was quite a conversation about it. Not only did it trigger thoughts and emotions for me, but it made me realise just how much people don’t understand suicide. Continue reading “Discussing suicide”

Yesterday I saw someone with bruises on their arm, I’ve had bruises on my arms, lots of them. I spent a whole summer not wearing short sleeve shirts because of the marks. Continue reading “Needle marks”

I don’t really have anything to say today, so why am I even bothering ? Well I guess to remind me that some days I don’t have cravings, some days I may think about a lot of stuff, but not always about drugs or sex.

If I read this back at some point in the future, it can just serve as a reminder that I can go through life without pumping shit into my veins. That in itself makes it worth writing this post.

If you ask Google for the definition of addict, it comes back with

“what is addict: a person who cannot stop doing or using something, especially something harmful”

Continue reading “Am I still an addict ?”

So I did it, I went, and I managed to get out of my car and actually go in, although that was thanks to a really nice guy who works there, he found me sat in my car and came and spoke to me, so I went in. Continue reading “The Edge Cafe”

Tonight I try again, tonight I try and take a step further in my journey. I’m going into town to an addiction recovery support group, hopefully I won’t have the same problem as last week because I’ve arranged to meet someone beforehand.

I’m nervous now, wondering if I really need to go, or am I just making a bit of a fuss. Either way I’m determined that this time I will succeed.

I’ll write again after I’ve been, either tonight or tomorrow morning. I think it’s important that I write down how it made me feel.

Today I spoke to my “distance sponsor” from NA for the first time. He encouraged me to go to a local meeting tonight and I did manage to get into town and walk to the place, but I couldn’t go in. I saw other people walking in but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same. Continue reading “Narcotics Anonymous”

I had my weekly counselling session on Monday, was a really good one. Helen helped me realise how I’ve changed over past weeks, I’m finally holding my head up more and trying to work out why things have been the way they have. I’ve gone from blubbing about it all, to actually thinking about why. Continue reading “Another step”

I wanted to share a helpful tip with everyone about what not to do when someone has had a drug problem. Continue reading “A helpful tip”