Probably time…..

Is it really March that I last posted here? That’s not good, I really wanted to build this site into something that could help others. So today’s post is just to dip my toe back into the blog, if I get time to write in more depth tomorrow then I shall.

I’ve been contacted by an organisation asking me to add their “Alcohol Demotivator” to my “Usefull Contacts” page. If you are affected by alcohol, to any degree, then maybe give it a go ?, you’ve got nothing to lose. Maybe I should ask them to promote my site, I am now promoting theirs, so why not ?

Anyway, enough for now………

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Saturday blues ?

So I’m back at The Edge Cafe, sat waiting for my mocha and ham and cheese toastie. Nothing much to say really, not quite sure how I’m feeling. I woke up really positive then my mood crashed down real quick, now I’m just sort of not feeling much of anything. Continue reading “Saturday blues ?”

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The Edge Cafe

In Cambridge is The Edge Cafe, I’ve been here many times for the support group I attend on Thursday nights. Today I’ve come here on my own for a coffee and a bacon roll, that may not sound like a big thing, but for me it is. I’ve never liked going to places on my own, but these days it really has become a bit of a mountain to climb.

Continue reading “The Edge Cafe”

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The weekend

I spend the whole week waiting for the weekend to come, every morning I wake up and tell myself to just get through the day. I get home and tick off another day that I managed to deal with. But then the weekend arrives and I’m faced with the prospect of it.

Weekends have, for a long time, been difficult for me. Too much time to think, too much time to waste. Friday nights I think about what I’m going to do over the next two days, invariably I achieve little of what I plan. Big ideas turn to disappointment and failure.

I normally end up not wanting to leave the house, I get up early and I sit and paint, I don’t even get dressed. That may not sound like a bad thing, painting helps my mind, I enjoy it, in fact I love it. It may only be paint by numbers, but it’s something creative and I get a huge sense of achievement when I finish one – they usually take over a month to finish.

There’s a flip side to that creativity, it’s a lack of motivation, it’s a fear of going outside, it’s also a huge sense of paranoia of being at home. For some reason I have a fear of telephone calls and also of anybody coming to the door, so although I lock myself away at home, I always have this horrible feeling of unease.

So as I lay in bed watching tv, waiting for the Zopiclone to knock me out, I wonder what the weekend will bring. As always I have plans, I want to clean my car to start with, I want to do something with people, I want to reach out to friends, to anyone, I’d love to go for coffee, but I know I won’t, my social skills are nonexistent these days.

Hey ho, enough for now, gonna settle down. Nite nite world, be kind to each other and try and smile just a little.

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