Another step

I had my weekly counselling session on Monday, was a really good one. Helen helped me realise how I’ve changed over past weeks, I’m finally holding my head up more and trying to work out why things have been the way they have. I’ve gone from blubbing about it all, to actually thinking about why.

I’ve only got four sessions left of the twelve. She thinks I’m at a tipping point so she’s going to try and see if I can get some extra sessions tagged onto the end, rather than having to wait to apply for more.

I also opened up about how I’m scared of what will happen when the sessions end, and also when I start to come off The mirtazapine, I’m worried I might start to fall apart again, I’m worried I may turn to drugs again, the thought petrifies me, but I know how easily it could happen.

I’m worried I may end up being offered something, worried I may not have the will power to say no. So, and this isn’t easy for me to say, I’m going to try and get some help from someone specifically to deal with my drug issues.

She has said she will look at what is available, but I’m also having a look myself, this is me now trying to find the best outcome for myself. I need to admit I need more help, that my journey is still ongoing.

My life hasn’t been normal for some years, I struggle to remember what it was like, that scares me in a way, scares me I will fuck up again. It’s me admitting my drug problem is still an issue, even though I haven’t touched anything for five months.

2 Replies to “Another step”

  1. I am writing because you think nobody is reading. I wanted you to know that I am and I am sure others are or will. Writing candidly about your experiences is clearly difficult for you but have no doubt that what saying may stop one person going as far or make another remember that they are not alone. Words are very powerful and as a tool of support they can be priceless. It’s a very brave deed to open up to the world about the things we are ashamed of, so if you only get one thing from doing this don’t ever regret the decision you made to write down these words for others to read, because one day you will look back and remember why it was so important to get your message out there……..and you will be proud of yourself for having the courage to do it x

    1. Thank you so much, what you’ve written is so kind. I just write what I feel and yes sometimes I feel I’ve opened up too much I shall keep writing because my journey still has many miles. Thank you ❤️

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