I’ve just finished my latest painting……
Have been doing this since Christmas, and apart from a coat of varnish, I’ve just finished it. It’s not until I’ve finished each painting and stand back from it that I can see the worth of it, the point of the endless hours I spend doing them.
I beat myself up over the hours I waste doing them, but I know that painting is good for my mind and my soul. As I paint I’m often thinking of all the other things I think I should be doing, but when I take that step back and look at what I’ve achieved, those thoughts fade away.
Let me just for a moment compare the amount of time I “waste” painting, with the amount of time I spent shooting up meth, slowly destroying my life, my body, and my mind. I spent too many years on a journey towards drug dependency, a drug addiction, now that truly is wasted time.
I spent so much time blindly destroying my social skills, my ability to be a good friend to anyone. I certainly wrecked my mental health so much that I’m still unsure I will ever again be comfortable inside my own head.
I guess it’s time I let myself accept that it doesn’t matter how many hours I spend painting, those hours are precious ones that result in something good, dare I even say beautiful?
I’m dedicating this painting to all the people I know who are struggling right now, with ill health, physical and mental, people who are having a shitty time, this is for them.
So tomorrow I will start a new painting, and I shall spend many hours doing it, I expect it will take a month or two, but when it’s finished I shall take a step back and accept the wonder of what I’ve created, and most certainly not wasted.