Overwhelmed

I made a post on twitter yesterday about how long it’s been since I touched any drugs, just over four months. The reaction I’ve had has been amazing, so many likes and wonderful comments. My drug use isn’t something I talk about to anyone, so being open about it on here and on Twitter was a big step, but one I’m glad I took.

I carry a lot of shame and drugs is just one part of that, so it’s strange to be feeling good about anything related to it. It’s a contradiction for me, I should never have gotten into drugs in the first place, so why would there be anything positive from it ? How can you feel anything good as a result of sticking a needle in your arm ?

However, it’s been over four months, that’s a good thing. Also, if events hadn’t happened last year, including my breakdown, I would probably still be doing it. I would have ended up destroying my body, quite possibly killed myself eventually, not by suicide but by accident from drug use. So stopping has to be a good thing, so the hell I went through that made me stop, well maybe that was a good thing as well.

So I guess I need to start accepting the good things instead of just dwelling on the bad, easier said than done?, probably but I have to try.

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