Just once more

Just once more, that’s all I ask. I just want that feeling one more time. Why can’t I have it, enjoy it, the feeling of the steel sliding into my vein, the feeling of flesh on flesh.

Why do my thoughts torment me so much? Why do I feel that my thoughts are so selfish? Why does my head tell me my problems are less than everyone else’s yet my thoughts strangle me ?

As each minute passes I know I’m one minute closer to B coming home, one minute less chance to give in to it. Each minute I could log on and find what I want but don’t.

Every word I write is rambling bullshit, I write such bollocks, none of it makes any sense. I just write the words that immediately come into my head, it’s not well written it’s random. People say and write such meaningful things yet all I write is this shit.

My blog has become a vehicle to wallow in my own self pity

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