It’s Thursday which means it’s addiction recovery support group tonight. Tonight instead of saying how my week has been, I’ll be talking about something very different.
Last time I went, somebody spoke about a person taking their own life, there was quite a conversation about it. Not only did it trigger thoughts and emotions for me, but it made me realise just how much people don’t understand suicide.
Several people asked what the thoughts and emotions are inside someone’s head when they want to die, I could have answered their questions but chose to keep quiet. Tonight I’m going to share with them how I felt. It’s MH Awareness Week and there’s also been a big publicity campaign about suicide over the last weeks, I can either speak up and spread some knowledge, or I can keep quiet and continue to fuel the stigma and mystery.
So tonight I shall use my sharing time to explain what it feels like to truly want to die. I shall explain how the pernicious cycle of drug use stopped me killing myself in occasions but also took me to the point that killing myself became a rational and informed decision, one which brought peace and calm to a mind that had short-circuited and was out of control.