Been feeling down these last few days, have wanted to keep myself to myself, wishing it could just be me, my other half and my dog. We went for a lovely walk yesterday, walked for miles in the countryside, was perfect.
Had to go back to work today after having four days off, struggled to get out of bed, struggled to leave the house. Eventually managed to get in the car and go to work, got myself stressed over nothing as usual.
Today I had a call from a friend, she told me she has a tumour on her brain. Imagine a doctor telling you that, what the fuck do you do?
When these things happen, people always say it makes them think about their own lives, live for today, live like every day is your last, what a load of bullshit. We plod through our lives, most of us working to live, facing each day as we have to, wishing for something more, wishing we could change our lives for the better, but in reality most of us have to make do with what we have.
We don’t all have the security or means to make the changes we would wish for. I wish I could remove the things that stress me, I wish I had the financial security to be able to do voluntary work rather than paid work, I wish I was able to travel more, to see more of the world. I wish I could have a social life, friends who I can spend time with, but I know my social skills are so lacking that I can’t do that anymore.
Instead I have to live with what I have, like everyone else I have to live the life that I’ve been dealt. I make mistakes, I make bad choices, my life isn’t perfect, but it’s my life and I have to live it, I can’t suddenly decide to somehow make it better.
My friend faces an uncertain future, and I know she is strong and can beat that tumour if it’s humanly possible. If nothing more I am reminded that there is always someone worse off than me, my life may be shit, and no maybe I can’t change it, but her problems do put mine in perspective.